My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
