i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
