I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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