she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
