do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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