Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
