if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
