So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
