How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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