I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
