i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
