Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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