I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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