i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
