omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
