Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I die, sorry about rent.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize