I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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