Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
