Quick, to the slutcave!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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