If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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