He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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