with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
