I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
