my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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