She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
