I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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