just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
