Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
