If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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