drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
