Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
