We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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