Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
