Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
