All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
id be glad to
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
