I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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