if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
