I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
