he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dick very happy bro
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
