Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
