We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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