I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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