you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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