who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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