Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
