Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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