that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize