A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
