I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
