dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
