She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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