Farmville is her only friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
