somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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