Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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