If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
