He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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