So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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