someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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