why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
