I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
