it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
