I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
