Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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