I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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