I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
