My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Less talking, more tequila
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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