best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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