I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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