i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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