after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize