They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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